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Monday, October 2nd, 2006
6:57 pm - Robert Anton Wilson needs our help
Hail fellow discordians, agnostics, and popes!

check out http://www.rushkoff.com/2006/10/robert-anton-wilson-needs-our-help.php and perhaps send some money his way. It's the least we can do for a man who doesn't just open your mind, but splits it in two.

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Friday, September 29th, 2006
9:52 pm - Torture, why not?
First posted at my Vox.

I've been pretty angry this week. I shouldn't be angry. I have a good job that I really like (5 months so far and no complaints); I enjoy general good health and lots of friends; most importantly, my wife is soon to give birth to our first son. I have a lot to be happy about, but I am really terrified and sickened by our lack of character as a nation.

I guess I just should stop being scared and go with the flow. Apparently, torture is something Americans are ok with. Maybe it's actually the secret to the success of the ruling class in this country. I want to be at ease with my nation's policies and since I can't change them apparently, I'm gonna learn to love them

From now on, I'm going to try to talk about torture as much as I can, particularly when I talk to people I don't know. I think this is really going to help me move up in society. "Hey, nice to meet you! Sorry my hands are sweaty; I was just in the back holding my nephew in a stress position. I can't find my iPod and I'm pretty sure he knows where it is."

I look around at the people who apparently aren't upset about this. The people who, like kids who mix into the wrong crowds, slowly become an accomplice in activities they'd never concoct on their own. They seem to be doing pretty well. Look at the congress. 318 out of 415 are torture supporters. These people are sanctioning war crimes. They're all doing great, probably worth tons of money, and they have lots of power. Torture seems to be working for them.

Look at Dick Cheney and the people at the White House. They like torture and they have GREAT LIVES. Listen to this. Some guy named Jack Abramoff, whoever he is. He showed up at Cheney's office like 80 times. Cheney doesn't even have a fucking clue who the guy is right? Well this Jack dude, he's coming by and giving away all sorts of shit. He comes by one week with U2 tickets. Another week he's got the skybox for the Sweet 16. Why not the Super Bowl, or a trip to Hawaii or Vegas. Whatever you want. Now, since no one knows who this guy is, he's not trying to get anything from them. This is just because he likes them.

Good things happen to people who support the infliction of severe physical or psychological pain as an expression of cruelty on other human beings. These are people who like to kill captive animals, shoot their friends in the face, and still wake up on Sunday feeling holy, at one with god.

They're our supposed role models our direct representatives our neighbors our merchants our doctors our friends. We're surrounded by the supporters of torture. Largely, we are the supporters of torture.

So I'm gonna go with the flow. It's true, what they say about you can have whatever you wish for. You just gotta wish for what they want to give you.

current mood: angry

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Saturday, July 16th, 2005
2:39 am - Weak Ass Democrats
Dear Senator Clinton,

Don't you have anything better to do than call for a probe of a fucking video game? How about call for a probe of the whole fucking government? How 'bout that shit?

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Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
10:49 pm - St. Helens eruptions visible at night :)
check it out here, I don't know if I can save the loop, but if you look towards the top you'll see a bright spot. Pretty sweet.

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Sunday, September 12th, 2004
4:00 pm - Video clip of the cookies
Hey y'all,

If you missed the show check out this clip of the cookies with Chris Rock and Marilyn Manson!

Let me know what you think.

Tony

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Thursday, September 9th, 2004
12:41 am - Watch the Graham Norton Effect Thursday 9/9
So, I've waited to post this since I got burned last time, but it looks like it's really going to happen. Tomorrow on the Graham Norton Effect (Comedy Central at 10PM) three of my cookies (I don't know which ones) will meet Susan Sarandon and Chris Rock. I am ultra excited.

Anyway, check it out, tell your friends, and look for new merch you should buy on the website soon.

If you don't know what I am talking about, check out www.carnalcookies.com

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Wednesday, September 1st, 2004
10:40 pm - Fuck Osama
GW Caught BatBoy!!!

It's just the thing to convince me to vote Republican!

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Wednesday, June 30th, 2004
9:43 pm - Next up...
For those of you who haven't seen this commercial, you probably should. This is really the kind of stuff that makes it easy to not have a TV. For some in depth analysis of this Extremely Gross and Extremely Girthy video check out this article from Slate.

glowing_fish or Matt, as we sometimes call him, has asked what team he's on. I can definately say he's Extremely Unique (which reminds me of a joke about two rabbits that's Extremely Corny).

Until next time...

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Tuesday, June 29th, 2004
9:37 pm - Team Extreme-ly
I may have mentioned it before, but I have this thing called Team Extreme. Team Extreme is a special group of people, handpicked by myself, who I decide are extreme enough for Team Extreme. Simple.

Unfortunately it's not simple. People always want to know what the criteria is for Team Extremeness. Those who don't make the cut are inclined to attempt revolutions or inspired to form their own lesser teams. Complicating matters further is the symbiotic relationship that Team Extreme shares with Team Mild (Team Mild is basically a club for designated drivers), the leader of which is constantly trying to take over Team Extreme. You'd really be surprised at how much people can argue about an imaginary team.

Anyway, I've come up with what I think is a good solution, Team Extremely. Team Extremely is to be made up of all persons I deem to be extreme (sounds familiar). The difference, however, is that now we have sub-divisions like Extremely Stupid, Extremely High, Extremely Mild, and, of course, Extremely Extreme.

I'm going to be searching the news for all sorts of extremeness. davidasan will be keeping an eye on extremely mild activity for you.

That said, the first new member of Team Extremely is the Extremely Lucky 14 year old Floridian who was seduced by his 23 year old teacher. I know this is against the law and all, but as most 14 year old male students will tell you, this is extremely lucky. Mrs. Lafave doesn't win a place in Extremely Stupid, but Mr. Lafave can join Extremely Embarrassed if he's so inclined.

Tomorrow I'll post the first member of Extremely Girthy.

current mood: good

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Sunday, December 21st, 2003
10:46 am - Just in time for the holidays!
Code ORANGE IN FULL EFFECT AGAIN!

I feel so much safer already.

Wasn't it supposed to get safer after they caught Saddam?

Remember to raise awareness and stay vigilant. It's up to YOU to make this country safe.
If you see someone get in a crop duster that isn't theirs, be sure to tell the President.

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Monday, October 20th, 2003
6:11 pm - Hang out with your wang out.
So, I want to keep a reading log again. I kept a log of the books I read on my trip last year and I want to do it again. Davida suggested I do it here. So here are some recent books I read, with a rating 1-10.

We Wish to Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed with Our Families: Stories from Rwanda by Philip Gourevitch - 10/10 a must read

Theodore Rex by Edmund Morris - 9/10

Krakatoa by Simon Winchester - 7/10 not as good as I'd hoped

Everybody's Different by Leonard Sportsinterviews (and S.B.) - 11/10

Right now I am reading Quicksilver, Neal Stephenson's new book. I am about 1/2way done, I am liking it. Also reading the new Jim Hightower book, Acid Dreams, and I just started Guns, Germs, and Steel, but the reviews of those will have to wait until I am done.

In other news, we've been running for the last few months and we did a 5 mile race a couple weeks ago. I ran an 8:30 pace, not too fast, but not too slow. We want to do a 1/2 marathon in May 2004.

Just had a visit from Davida's parents that was great. Looking forward to visits from partner-in-crime David "Dolomito" Silva-Espinoza and Jen "Soft Money" Hansen, as well as my sister.

The bakery is still going pretty good. It's an interesting study in crazy folks if nothing else. There are some really cool people there though, perhaps I'll post some of the more interesting stories sometime.

Gotta make some cookies this week I think, as well as a Dia de Los Muertos alter for my old friend Democracy.

Until then, keep your balls to the walls.

current mood: good

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Thursday, July 10th, 2003
11:58 am - Eh squeeze me? A baking powder?
"I think the American people continue to express their support for ridding the world of Saddam Hussein based on just cause, knowing that Saddam Hussein had chemical and biological weapons that were unaccounted for that we're still confident we'll find. I think the burden is on those people who think he didn't have weapons of mass destruction to tell the world where they are." - Ari Fleischer

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Wednesday, July 2nd, 2003
4:06 pm - piece of whacko
It's really really stupid.

I've seen (and done) a lot of stupid things, but nothing really as stupid as the current state of our country (and by extension the world).

To start it off, we have this guy running our country. He's an average guy, but what the fuck is an average guy doing running the country? This excerpt of an interview with Carlyle Group co-founder David Rubenstein is really amazing. For example:

We put him on the board and [he] spent three years. Came to all the meetings. Told a lot of jokes. Not that many clean ones. And after a while I kind of said to him, after about three years - you know, I'm not sure this is really for you. Maybe you should do something else. Because I don't think you're adding that much value to the board. You don't know that much about the company.

He said, well I think I'm getting out of this business anyway. And I don't really like it that much. So I'm probably going to resign from the board.

And I said, thanks - didn't think I'd ever see him again. His name is George W. Bush. He became President of the United States. So you know if you said to me, name 25 million people who would maybe be President of the United States, he wouldn't have been in that category. So you never know. Anyway, I haven't been invited to the White House for any things.


l34f and I were discussing the 25 million people comment. Essentially, this guy is saying that GW would have been the last person on earth he would expect to be President. And W is against affirmative action? You know, I "need a job", I "need a board position", and maybe even "some board positions." I'll come to all the meetings and I won't even fall off my fucking Segway on my way over.

Other gems (and this is just shit from today) include the already infamous
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a http://news.google.com/news?hl>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

It's really really stupid.

I've seen (and done) a lot of stupid things, but nothing really as stupid as the current state of our country (and by extension the world).

To start it off, we have this guy running our country. He's an average guy, but what the fuck is an average guy doing running the country? <A href="http://prorev.com/bushcarlyle.htm">This excerpt of an interview</a> with Carlyle Group co-founder David Rubenstein is really amazing. For example:
<blockquote>
We put him on the board and [he] spent three years. Came to all the meetings. Told a lot of jokes. Not that many clean ones. And after a while I kind of said to him, after about three years - you know, I'm not sure this is really for you. Maybe you should do something else. Because I don't think you're adding that much value to the board. You don't know that much about the company.

He said, well I think I'm getting out of this business anyway. And I don't really like it that much. So I'm probably going to resign from the board.

And I said, thanks - didn't think I'd ever see him again. His name is George W. Bush. He became President of the United States. So you know if you said to me, name 25 million people who would maybe be President of the United States, he wouldn't have been in that category. So you never know. Anyway, I haven't been invited to the White House for any things.
</blockquote>

<lj user="l34f"> and I were discussing the 25 million people comment. Essentially, this guy is saying that GW would have been the last person on earth he would expect to be President. And W is against affirmative action? You know, I "need a job", I "need a board position", and maybe even "some board positions." I'll come to all the meetings and I won't even <a href="http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/030612/170/4dnhg.html">fall off my fucking Segway</a> on my way over.

Other gems (and this is just shit from today) include the already infamous <a http://news.google.com/news?hl=en&edition=usa&q=bring+them+on&btnG=Search+News">bring them on</A> comment, soon followed by a <a href="http://www.salon.com/news/wire/2003/07/02/gay_marriage/index.html">comforting admission</a> that a ban on gay marriages may not be needed. DOn't worry though, of course he believes that marriage is only for men and women. He's batting a thousand.

So, we've established that our leader is a loser who <a href="http://supct.law.cornell.edu/supct/html/00-949.ZPC.html">shouldn't be in office</a>. So what do we do about it? Well, you take <a href="http://www.denniskucinich.us/">a good candidate</a> and you <a href="http://www.salon.com/comics/lay/2003/07/01/lay/story.gif">polish him down really nicely</a> until he's got <a href="http://alternet.org/story.html?StoryID=16268">no defining features or soul</a> and then you've got your <a href="http://www.deanforamerica.com">"faceless Democrat"</a> who can supposedly beat the Bush.

I don't think Dean's cutting the mustard. I mean, the guy is a fiscal conservative. This is the liberal candidate?!?! It's pretty scary.

One thing I'm sure Dean won't do is be tough on corporate crime. We'll just continue to let <a href="http://www.microsoft.com">monopolists</a> take over our country. These corporate fuckfaces are ruining the lives of a lot of people. I keep secretly hoping that we'll have a wave of anti-corporate activity, like earlier in the century, but thanks to TV, I don't think we have it in us.

Now for the good news (in my opinion). GW says we won't be giving any more military aid to 35 countries that support the International Criminal Court. Good. I don't think Columbia was using it's money for very much good anyway.

Finally, check out <a href="http://www.foofighters.com/media/index.php">Low</a>, the new video from the Foo Fighters. It is fucking great.


current mood: aggravated

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Friday, June 13th, 2003
8:50 am - It's my birthday!
W000h000 1/4 a century!

current mood: bouncy

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Saturday, May 3rd, 2003
6:04 pm
So Carnal Cookies didn't make it into the Mercury. I was notified by the writer on Wednesday that all his profiles had been cut. Too bad. I'm not all that upset, it was fun to give the interview, I got a free beer out of it, and it inspired me to create some new cookies which are now up on the site (go now).

So now that you've seen them, what do you think? I've heard the stripper's pole looks like a banana, I've been working on a couple other ideas for strippers. I think the S&M ones are the most popular, so I'm also thinking about new designs for those.

Other than the cookies, everything is going great. Spent an awesome weekend on Puget Sound at a place called Salmon Beach, it was so nice. This weekend I got to hang with a good buddy from Seattle. Portland fucking rocks.

current mood: amused

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Monday, March 17th, 2003
5:46 pm - CODE ORANGE BACK AGAIN
Bust out your armbands and other orange majesties. Keep alert! Orange pride! Orange pride! Orange pride!

Orange Uber Alles!

Tony

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Thursday, February 27th, 2003
10:11 am - Nooooooooooooo!
So I woke up to the unfortunate news that our country has dropped back to Alert Level Yellow this morning. Not that there was ever really a reason to go up to Orange in the first place, but Level Orange was sure a lot more fun. It's been a pretty crazy 20 days at Orange, I think I was drunk for like at least 10 of them. Nevertheless, not no stress, Team Extreme Supreme will remain on Alert Level Orange indefinitely. Suspended, however, are "get out the word" programs such as wearing armbands in public and stuff. If you've got yellow gear though, wear it with pride.

The whole thing is so fucking ridiculous, check out this shit:
"United States and its interests are still at a significant risk of terrorist attack. Detained al Qaeda operatives have informed U.S. intelligence and law enforcement officials that al Qaeda will wait until it believes Americans are less vigilant and less prepared before it will strike again."

So let me get this straight, al Qaeda won't attack us until our guard is down, so... I got it, call up Tommy Ridge, lower the guard! How fucking retarded is that? Not like the "threat" was anything more than lies in the first place, but still, can't they at least be consistently inconsistent? The statement also says that "for the safety and security of our nation, Americans must continue to be defiant..." I guess that's why we're in a closed session of the Security Council right now probably threatening everyone and talking about how we'll go it alone.

Finally, check out these guidelines the FBI released telling you how to watch out for al Qaeda casing your favorite soft target.

That's all for now, stay alert!

current mood: disappointed

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Friday, February 21st, 2003
11:37 am - ( less radiation ( more radiation (X) more radiation ) less radiation )
So I gots me some fast internet again, woohoo! At about 8:30AM three (3) AT&T dudes showed up to install it. I was ultra excited, especially cause they were all WEARING ORANGE VESTS!!!

They looked at all our orange majesties, like the Code Orange Alert board we have with all the pictures of the top ten dictators in this area and the corporate communications we've stolen about code orange. They also saw our stolen cones and our vests. One of the dudes said that orange is a good color, fuck yeah it is! And you know this, man.

After helping them help me, I was connected (then I had to help myself some more getting my wireless stuff to work) and here I am, woohoo again!

Now I can browse Ready.Gov all fucking day until I'm SO prepared for nuclear, biological, and chemical attacks, as well as dirty bombs, dirty love, and EXPLOSIONS! I've figured so far the best way to stay alive is to stay the fuck out of ALL NIGHTCLUBS.

Last night I went and saw Old School for free. GO SEE THIS MOVIE! NOW! Ok, now that you've seen it (if it is even out yet) wasn't it fucking hilarious?!? I thought so. Your welcome. (and leaf, you better go see it or you're fucking fired, how about I come over there and fucking show you eh? How 'bout that shit?)

current mood: hyper

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Thursday, February 13th, 2003
12:29 pm - Check me out!
l34f made me this muthafuckin badass user icon celebrating code orange!

Hell yeah!

current mood: happy

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Wednesday, February 12th, 2003
11:43 pm - The IRS should be on Alert Level RED
Check this shit out, but warning, it might make you VOMIT!

From this story

" Corporate profits reported to the I.R.S. in 1998 were $155 billion less than those reported to shareholders, according to Mihir A. Desai, a Harvard economist. His study and others suggest that tax shelters may be the primary reason for this difference, which is costing the government as much as $54 billion in taxes each year."

"The 10,000 or so largest companies paid 20.3 percent of their 1999 profits in federal income taxes, while the next tier of companies paid at a 30.9 percent rate, according to an I.R.S. analysis of corporate tax returns for the year. The largest companies had 26 times the profits of the second tier of companies, which paid income taxes at a rate 50 percent higher than the largest companies, the I.R.S. data shows."

Not that we didn't know it already, but to see it in black and white. Man, that's enough to fund the war on terror!

current mood: indescribable

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